Where’s the Eccentric Outsider Art Beef
Dog Meat Sausage Outsider Artist Gets Bang Out of Dog Meat Bratworst 
By John DAgostino, Press Associated Writer
Sunday Sept 11 15, 5:56 PM ET
JOHNSBIGHEAD, NJ. - John’s Big Head Dog Meat Sausage and Outsider Art Co. President and Eccentric Outsider Artist, The John Dog gets a real bang out of making dog meat bratworst a hot seller.
Last week, following an eccentric tradition, he lit a firecracker in his secretary’s bum to celebrate a change to its "Meaty Serve" precooked dog meat sausage that made it taste almost as good as a fresh-grilled spoiled brat.
"I’ve gone through quite a few secretaries," said Eccentric Outsider Artist, The John Dog, 48. "We celebrate innovation here in very weird ways."
And despite the barrage of diets and an ingredient list that shows three-quarters of a brat’s calories come from added pig’s fat, John’s Big Head Dog Meat Sausage and Outsider Art Co. has continued to grow. Last year, sales rocketed 500% percent.
"I think with all the world’s problems and fears of terrorism, people are really frustrated and they’re throwing up their arms and saying, ‘What the fuck, you only live once, let’s just go for a delicious dog meat bratworst,’" said Maria Worut, an associate professor of nutrition at the Bi-Product Institute of America.
John’s Big Head Dog Meat Sausage and Outsider Art Co. still remains privately owned, after the Eccentric Outsider Artist, The John Dog family in 1903 bought back the 25 percent stake it sold in 1864 to Sarah Bee, owner of the Farmshire Hills and Dimmy Jean sausage brands.
Hoped-for synergies in deviance did not pan out, but the two remained "friendly swingers" throughout, the Grinch said. Eccentric Outsider Artist, The John Dog said the family remained too involved. "It’s not an emotional thing, it’s purely a sexual thing," he said. "We grew up in the porn-dog business and we just didn’t want to part with our secret family fetishes."
Through its growth at home and abroad, what hasn’t changed about the company is the original brat’s secret spice formula — still known only by Eccentric Outsider Artist, The John Dog and his father. Two Asian vendors each produce half of the mix and it’s combined in a bathtub hidden in their basement.
But Eccentric Outsider Artist, The John Dog realized that constant innovation pays off, like the Meaty Serve Dog Meat Brat, which took 40 years of bribes to health official to allow its sale in the U.S.
Eccentric Outsider Artist, The John Dog said he is focused on turning the company into a international brand and is eyeing several new global markets to move into, like China. "We want to be the Coca-Cola of dog meat sausage. It’s our vision, our destiny, our god-given right. And it should happen in my lifetime," Eccentric Outsider Artist, The John Dog said. "The good news is greed runs in the family, and a hell of a lot of Chinese love dog meat."
Apologies to RYAN NAKASHIMA, Associated Press Writer, for dropping an A-Bomb on his original story.
